Two faced

I hate them. they pretend to be nice and then they’re not. they pretend they care, so you trust them, and then they throw that trust back into your face and make you look dumb. they think they got you fooled still, but i know better. and then they come and still pretend like they care… seriously, get a life.

and then there are those who are “too nice to say the truth” when the truth is all you ever wanted, with the full knowledge and expectation that it will be very hurtful, but you just want to get it over with ’cause we’re all adults. But i guess they’re just cowardly. ever since the beginning, they have been. it’s not like they even hide it anymore or have a reason anymore. it makes it all seem like they don’t give a fuck anymore and just enjoy ruining your life and stepping on the past like it was worthless. yeah, they’ve better things to do now. i get it. but i’m not going to just fucking pretend like i don’t care ’cause i stay true to myself. i’m not going to run away from this even if i do look like a loser. who gives a fuck about those who think you’re a loser. they don’t matter, at least not right now. even if they think it and try to hide what they’re thinking, it still shows through from the “advice” they give me and their actions. yeah, i’m being vague on purpose. this is public, i’m fully aware of that.

right now, i just want to be able to stomp on things that mean a lot to me just to get a glimpse of how it’s like to be that careless fucker. just so i can stop feeling whatever i’m feeling.

people these days need to get their priorities straight. and i don’t mean career-wise. i’m talking about much more important things ’cause a career is something you can always get, but a life, not so much. i feel so sorry for those who haven’t gotten to see life openly because of “work”. it never is because of work or money, it’s their life choice, sadly. i know so many people who aren’t “rich”, but are happier than the “rich”. at the end of the day, those are the smart and wealthy people. not the ones with lives revolved around work. it’s just so sad. i can’t even describe it. and what’s even worse, those people brainwash the people around them until the life is sucked out of them. until all i’ve heard is how emotionless they are. i wonder, when they lie on their death bed, will they be lucky enough to have realised and accepted their mistakes or still be in denial and think that only they know how the world works? it’s never too late to change perspectives. i don’t even know if this entire paragraph is really what i want to say or just a bunch of misleading words.

funny thing about blogs, they’re so personal that it makes it just that much easier to misinterpret them. you try so hard to understand and relate or compare because you know it’s real life that you lose that needed outsider’s view. that much needed unbiased view because you don’t know what the person is talking about at all.

i feel like i’m rambling on just like that awful IR critique of the middle east i had to try to read. if you thought this entry was confusing then you most definitely will think my IR book is even more confusing. sentences can be as long as a paragraph and talking about a million things in between commas and then go back to something that you’ve already forgotten about. and that something is what he’s trying to make a point about. YEAH…

RANT RANT RANT… ends here.

p.s. some people really need to stop talking about me ’cause seriously, look at me, i’m just plain old me. get a fucking life and get over me, please. it’s been over a year and they still haven’t realisd that they actually don’t like me but are actually just nosy. or at least that’s the nicest thing i can say about them. i can go on forever, complaining about them. some people are the worst you’ll meet in your life and they’re also the hardest to get out of your life. just like how only the people you love can hurt you the most. yet, there are still people who try to solve love riddles with logic and “experience” and try to define it as only how they’ve felt. then they try to tell you what love is. wow, like, go find something better to do, for your sake and my sake.

is it so much to ask to be able to just live my own life? i used to watch those dramas and laugh at how ridiculous some nosy people can get, but now, it’s actually happening to me. i guess a lot of the time it’s always the things you don’t ask for that come to you the easiest. i will live with it, but it’s been going on for so long that i can’t ignore it anymore. fucking bug that i just wanna swat and shoo away. i seriously do nothing to them yet they still manage to get into my life. OMG GET OUT OF MY LIFE.

a very important note to people who think they know what’s going on: you don’t! so please don’t try to guess or even dare think of anything. a rant will stay a rant as long as the reader accepts it as simply that. just like how history is history, always analyze it in context–NEVER generalize it or group events together. meaning, don’t compare it to your experiences because i’m not you. i’m not living your life and i don’t want to. i don’t think like you, obviously, and i don’t plan on ever thinking like anyone but myself (unless i’m trying to be understanding/seeing something from someone else’s shoes).

yeah, it all seems very redundant and obvious, but some people just don’t seem to be able to think of that on their own. and when they do, they pretend like they weren’t comparing and try to talk out of it. i know this because i’ve been there, seen my own mistakes, and accepted them. i can recognize it all in others. all too easily because of my ability to think so much. but keep in mind, i analyze in context. if you’re even hesitating on what that means, i suggest you look it up, because i guarantee most of the people i know don’t. and even i don’t sometimes, because it’s just too much thinking. to actually try to be understanding and fully unbiased is something all good friends try to do, but trying and being nice don’t equal those. trying is what makes someone a good friend.

omg, sleep.

pps. “nosy” is just a word. like the word word. it doesn’t actually mean nosy like how you would think when i talk about it. because one word will never be enough to describe those people. or that person. who knows, i could be talking about a group, some, one, a million, the general public. blah. i’m not perfect. i can be nosy, but not in the same degree as the people i talk about. i’m not perfect and no one is, yet some naive people out there are still looking for perfect. and it’s not even for themselves, they look for other people without those other people even needing their useless “help”. yes, they actually look for other people, without even being asked to. it’s just as ridiculous as it sounds. just as insensitive as it sounds. just as cruel and harsh as the real world. yet still something that millions of people have to deal with on a day to day basis. it’s funny how people find it so easy to just point out things in others with the thought of themselves not being like that. psychologically and scientifically, most of the time we hate the things in others what we hate about ourselves. the things we’re annoyed of in others are the things we’re ashamed about in ourselves. it’s very true, and that’s only something i learned in high school. imagine all the fucked up shit i learned in university. how easy it is to brainwash the people who you’re emotionally connected to. not brainwash them consciously, no, no.. that’s too “normal”. but brainwash them unconsciously, with merely words. i can write a novel of rants on parents. but that’s just too big of a topic and it’s too touchy because we all love our parents and will defend them at any cost.

shit, no more.

okay, last thing, i hate it when people compare apples with oranges. no, not the fruits. so with that said, FML.


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